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Beasts From The East – R7 Review

In 1991 I received a phone call from my Under 16’s Cricket coach. “Stuey, its Crackers here mate. Adam and Luke (our two gun players) have been suspended at school and can’t play tomorrow. I need you to open the batting and bowling tomorrow.” Holy sh*t, this was my first experience with pressure.

Beasts From The East Update


In 1991 I received a phone call from my Under 16’s Cricket coach.  “Stuey, its Crackers here mate.  Adam and Luke (our two gun players) have been suspended at school and can’t play tomorrow.  I need you to open the batting and bowling tomorrow.”  Holy sh*t, this was my first experience with pressure.

Winning the toss was my peak performance for the day.  Padding up I started getting what I thought were butterflies.  A solid if not fluent Number 7 bat, my day usually consisted of 6 steamed dim-sims, a pie with sauce and two orange Lucozades cooling my heels on the boundary while Adam and Luke smashed the ball all over the park.  By the time I was ready to face the first ball I almost shat my pants.  This was my first ever taste of performance anxiety.  The second time was one year later at the Yr 11 formal after party with Skye Goldsworthy.

Since then I breezed through A-grade pennant for Olinda GC dominating opponents.  Marriage proposal and subsequent marriage was a cinch.  Child birth, well not that us males do much, was stress free.


This year I am presently dealing with my third ‘performance anxiety episode’.  Holding up the ladder for #BeastsFromTheEast.


Having been given the task of writing a short weekly update on @Aki_DT #BeastsFromTheEast progress against @tbetta9 #WestIsBest league battle I have, as @robbo_heraldsun would say “dogged it”.


As a Performance Coach I tell my clients “There is no failure, only feedback” so I have decided that I need to take responsibility and update the 3 people that have asked for the status update.


The West is currently having their way with us like Kim Duthie had with Ricky Nixon.  I am hearing on the tweetvine that #WestIsBest is sitting quite comfortably as the 24th best Dreamteam League in the World whereas #BeastFromTheEast are 241st.

On Twitter recently I seem to have uncovered a few others that might be suffering from my ‘performance anxiety affliction’.  Needing not name and shame those twits I just want to acknowledge @RainmanDT, @FlossyDT, @McRathDT and @ImpromptuSC for attending the ‘It’s Ok To Be Average’ seminar with me on Sunday night.

Averaging 2051 points a round The Beasts from The East have scored 243,975 total points.  There have been some great performances lead by our director of Coaching Aki, who is sitting 851st in The World and on top of our points ladder closely followed by @TeeTeeDT  “Faecal Mistifiers” in second and Sam’s “Bucks Premiership” third.

Leading Round 7 performers were @Aki_DT‘s “anNEALEiation” with 2344 points, @JanineMcGlynn “B(r)ogan Power” with 2312 and @Doutheez  “Cousin Coke and Ice” 2302.

Needing a lift are @McRathDT, who scored 2015 (sorry Matty but I am lighting a fire under your belly) and last years Supercoach Legend (this year’s legend in his Dreamteam’s lunchbox) @ImpromptuSC with 2071 in a week where 2200 was par.

At a time when upgrades are happening all over the Dreamteam world, we will stay positive that the #BeastsFromTheEast can trade our way to glory and reel in the #WestIsBest mob who are getting far to cocky for their own good. (my best upgrade this year was a medium to a large McChicken Meal at McDonalds!)

If you have read this far and your thoughts are ‘bloody hell I am not going to get these three minutes of my life back’ please let me know in the comments section and I will return under the rock that I crawled out from to give this update.

P.S.  For those wondering, I made a Golden Duck and my first over I bowled took 16 balls to complete due to 4 no balls and 6 wides.  A great day of my life that I have just relived while writing this update!


Tweet me up @stueyden to feel better about your Dreamteam performance


P.S.S Maybe I need to add DT to my Twitter handle???  Nah it’s not helping Rainman haha






  1. StBrendon

    May 16, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    East is the best.

    • StBrendon

      May 16, 2012 at 8:58 pm

      By the way, DT TALK International is higher than Beasts from the East!

      • StueyDen

        May 16, 2012 at 9:15 pm

        Joe Cocker’s voice is higher than The Beast ATM but things gonna heat up soon!

      • Croquet_Kings

        May 17, 2012 at 12:42 am

        and there are only 2 people in the league averaging under 2000.
        Pull your socks up StBrendan

  2. The Seamen

    May 16, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    Don’t worry mate I went to school with a bloke who thought he was gods gift to cricket. He unfortunately didn’t realize that overs are 6 balls long and not 10 as that was about his average for every over haha. All the best to beast from the west

  3. Dezza

    May 16, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    I reckon I knocked Cousins Coke and Ice out first round of the eliminator last year. Otherwise it was someone else referring to Cousins and drugs

    • DucKing

      May 16, 2012 at 9:17 pm

      I rekon you are on drugs….

    • Leigh (aka Cousins Coke n Ice)

      May 16, 2012 at 9:39 pm

      Definatly didn’t knock me out champ. I got through to about round 15 in the eliminator last year.

      Nice write up Stu. Come on East…. LIFT!!!!

      • Dezza

        May 16, 2012 at 10:36 pm

        Sorry mate – when I read this article and saw your name I thought maybe I had knocked out a big name player but it must have been someone else referencing Ben Cousins and drugs.

  4. Janine

    May 16, 2012 at 10:13 pm

    Still doing my bit for the Mighty Beasts From The East but need some help people!!!

  5. Abers95

    May 16, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    Hey Dezza, Cousins Coke n Ice got pretty shirty that you dare say he was beaten by you last year.

    You have hit a raw nerve with this fellow. It appears he likes to talk himself up but I doubt he wins

    many big battles against superior opponents.

    • DucKing

      May 17, 2012 at 2:53 pm

      You clearly have no idea who you are talking about matey. how about you do some research on who these people are before you go running your mouth?

  6. titch

    May 17, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    haha that was awesome. quility read. keep rambling i love it!

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