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The Knee-Jerk: Round 6

It’s going to be hard to write the knee-jerk this week…. like a jilted ex-lover that I’m forced to see in social circles, I just can’t bring myself to look my DT in the eye at the moment. It has done some unspeakable things to me this week and I’m not sure that I can just forgive and forget.

It’s going to be hard to write the knee-jerk this week…. like a jilted ex-lover that I’m forced to see in social circles, I just can’t bring myself to look my DT in the eye at the moment. It has done some unspeakable things to me this week and I’m not sure that I can just forgive and forget. I worked so hard to claw my way into the top few thousand and in one fell swoop it’s all going to be for nothing. Just like when you’re on a driving holiday and you do the hard yards passing all the caravans, busses and snails then the missus wants to stop for the toilet and you have to sit there watching them all drive right by you again. Annoying! I won’t go into gory detail but let’s just say after the bye players, injuries and omissions my BEST case scenario before trading was 4 donunts….FOUR! My squad is thinner than Rove McManus’s joke book so 1700 would be a good score this week, I dread to think where that will leave me. Anyhow I’ll try and surpress the bitterness but I can’t promise anything…..here is this weeks knee-jerk;

Shockers

Brad Green (58)

Green was in a fair few teams at the start of the year but I’d be surprised if he is still in any. It’s obvious that the captaincy is weighing on him, the fact that his team is not performing is making things even worse. It’s simple….while Green is captain he can’t be a DT’er.

Bryce Gibbs (67)

Bryce is fast becoming a fixture in this section. There is not one snowflakes chance in hell that I’m trading him out either, because I know exactly what will happen…… But the thing is he isn’t playing poorly, it’s just the fact that he is getting accountable jobs, tagging jobs. No more slut Gibbs roaming free like a non KFC chicken. He is now earning his defensive keeps and it is making him a DT non contributor. C’mon Ratts…he’s a peacock, set him free!

Drew Petrie (70)

The dish makes his way into the shockers chart this week. I don’t know who to feel sorry for more; those that brought him last week or those that had him from the start. I had a sneaky feeling that he would come good after the stuttering start. He had the suspension then a game then a bye then a couple of games back and then he scored the monster last week. I thought he was away but no, he was back to old form. Let’s be honest though, he is scoring at his price at the moment and you get what you pay for. As long as he makes a few more dollars it isn’t all doom and gloom.

Nick Riewoldt (43)

The voldt is having a mare of a year so far. One could think back to the nude picture scandal and draw their own conclusions but I’m not so sure. I just think the saints are shot, they are moving the ball into him so slowly that he has no hope. Graham Johncock tried to knock some sense into poor old voldt but it didn’t work. As we know once the sub has already been activated the doctors will NEVER say another player has concussion…..so Voldt stayed on the bench to finish his nightmare, rather than being able to hide away in the rooms.

Bandwagoners

Jack Darling (98)

It kills me every time I see him but I think the next bandwagon might have to be one Jack Darling. Most of us had the choice between Darling and Tapscott…some chose both. I started with Tapscott and to be honest I’m not all that disappointed. But Tascott’s wagon is a mini minor, Darlings is a semi-trailer! He is huge, demands the ball, demands attention, a new Johnno Brown! It’s too late for me, I won’t swallow my pride and buy, that horse has bolted. But if you aren’t already on and don’t mind – jump on!

Dustin Martin (119)

The Dustin Martin bandwagon has quietly been rumbling along for a few weeks now, he has been getting better and better scores as the weeks have gone by. He is fast becoming the tiger’s talisman. Personally I think he will become a premium next year, but this year I don’t think there are enough spots in my middle to carry him. But there are worse buys around! Jump on now before it’s too late if you want a well-priced mid.

As mentioned last week the Redden (133) and Rockliff (132) wagons will be out of sight if you don’t jump on now, these two are fantasy gold! Take one and you won’t be disappointed.

(Thursday) Captains curse

The loophole was in play and Cox scored 10 less than Calvin’s threshold….was it enough for you? I took it, I’m a chicken. Bring on next week! No Swan so people will have to think for once.

Other news

Protected species

We have all heard about the giant panda…..he just won’t get intimate with his other half, and the poor old white rhinoceros is also close to extinction but there is one other animal that never gets mentioned when the tins are rattling and the greenies are whining. The most protected species of the lot is the humble magpie… if you have your doubts check out a replay of the ANZAC day game for proof. Their undersized backs – namely Hertier O’Brien and Nick Maxwell are the most protected of species in the AFL. They hold onto their opponents like oversized octopuses, they chop arms, they get tackled and never dispose of the ball correctly and more annoyingly they block the man on the mark in a most unsporting like way. But the umpires seem to have been told to protect this species no matter how heinous or wrong their acts are. Just like we can’t kill a snake even if it’s biting us we can’t call for frees from these cheats.

Enough’s enough

Ok, I’ve taken just about enough of this. How much is the AFL rights deal worth again? 1 billion? They are a wealthy organisation right? Then why the hell does their website operate like its been made by somebody in a garage using an old etcha sketch and a 486 as their server? I’m old enough, I’ve been through the dial-up era and I thought I’d never be back there again. Waiting while a picture excruciatingly loads up one bar at a time was something I figured was a thing of the past. But it’s back alive and well on the AFL website. To be honest I don’t mind waiting a little while for something decent, like a good pr0n stream or some good images but this new AFL website is the pits! It’s a dogs breakfast, I’m not sure if it was designed by a kindergarten kid or an art student on acid but it would have to be one of the most un-user friendly designs I have come across. Shit all over the page, no easy to use menus, it’s just all over the shop. Lift your game AFL or I’m staying on the Herald sun superfooty page.

Media musings

It happens like clockwork every round; there will be a horrendous game of football with skill errors all the way through it, a shocking game without any redeeming features whatsoever, a spectacle that will never be remembered for anything…..then all of a sudden in the last quarter with ten minutes to go there is a game to be won!  The teams will be within a few points of each other and go hammer and tong for a while and the commentators (particularly Anthony Hudson) will declare “what a game this has been!” like it’s been one of history’s finest. What a game this has been? Are you a gold fish Huddo? Can you not remember the hour and a half of tripe we all just witnessed…or do you only have a 5 minute memory?

Speaking of commentators Andy Maher (or George Jetson I think he resembles) came out with a pearler last week…… when referring to how well Robbie Nahas was playing mistakenly called him Nobby Rahas… Gold!

Old Maher Jetson is still infamous for that interview he did with Brett Kirk after his last game; Maher asked him how he felt about fifteen times within a minute….. That was painful but not as painful as watching any player get interviewed.  Hot on the heels of last week’s cliché coach interview, here comes the player version;

Interviewer: That was a good win
Player: yeh, nah it was good

Interviewer: They ran you pretty hard today
Player: Yeh, nah they are a good young side, we had to be on our game today, the boys really stood up, yeh, nah it was good

Interviewer: You must be happy with your own form?
Player: Yeh, nah I’ve been going OK, the boys are really playing well, we did a hard preseason and yeh, nah it’s going well so far.

Interviewer: I know you don’t look too far ahead but you must be polling Brownlow votes, think your any chance?
Player: Yeh, nah I don’t really read the papers, you know? Just want to have a win with the boys, ask any player and they will take a premiership medal over a Brownlow.

Interviewer: Big game next week?
Player: Yeh, nah they are a good young side, we will have to be at our best, work on a few things this week at training…

Interviewer: Ok I’ll let you get back to the boys, well played today
Player: Yeh, nah thanks mate.

OK as you can see I couldn’t supress my bitterness at all, the knee-jerk will be back to its former glory next week when I’ve got a full squad to play with.

Any other knee-jerks or bitter whines you want to vent out there? Any other player interview clichés? Share them all here.

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