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The Knee-Jerk: Round 5

Welcome to the mega Easter edition of the knee-jerk. Back in the day when Jesus played for the Jerusalem under18b’s he suffered a horrific season ending injury on the Friday, then miraculously on the Monday was passed fit and played again. I’m pretty sure that’s how Easter came about, so for this we should all give thanks…this was years before LARS was even invented so was a true miracle. Anyway what’s had me knee-jerking this round?

Welcome to the mega Easter edition of the knee-jerk. Back in the day when Jesus played for the Jerusalem under18b’s he suffered a horrific season ending injury on the Friday, then miraculously on the Monday was passed fit and played again. I’m pretty sure that’s how Easter came about, so for this we should all give thanks…this was years before LARS was even invented so was a true miracle.  Anyway what’s had me knee-jerking this round?

Shockers

St Kilda

Don’t be fooled by the win, they beat a winless cellar dwelling team. St Kilda are shot, there is no doubt about it. They are rabble! Going backwards, hand balling into trouble, bereft of confidence….their premiership window is not only closed; it has window shutters, been boarded up, barbed wire around it and a mote with alligators snapping in front of it…..that’s how far from a premiership they now are. Their next few games against quality will show it beyond all doubt. Time for a rebuild Ross… you were close but no cigar. Unfortunately The Voldt will become as fantasy relevant as Kozi until something changes down at St Kilda way.

Robbie Gray (43)

This guy has been talked about for the past couple of seasons as being a breakout candidate in the mould of Shaun Higgins. Give up people; it’s not going to happen. All credit to Gold Coast, they got the monkey off their back but really….if Gray can’t do it against this mob he never will.

Bryce Gibbs (70)

Enough is enough Bryce, for f**ks sake. Are you ever going to get your hands dirty? He will forever be a fantasy tease capable of scoring anything but when you need him he goes missing. I guess when you name your son Bryce you are going to get a fairly dainty end product. He is close to making the never again list.

Bandwagoners

Tom Rockliff (106)

You know when you find the perfect parking spot and you stand there for 5 minutes looking at the sign trying to find the catch…Why isn’t anyone else parking here?? It’s too good to be true! That’s how I feel about Tom Rockliff. His scores are so good but why don’t I feel right in buying him? He’s really not that good a footballer, a bit Swan like I guess which probably means fantasy gold…Hop on board if you trust.

Nat Fyfe (103av)

What’s the most annoying thing in the world? The sound of that channel 10 voice over woman whispering to us about next week’s episode of ‘The good wife’ goes pretty close but the number one most annoying thing is missing out on THE bandwagon of the year.  I had him from the start so that was a stroke of luck but for those that didn’t, and still waited and waited, not trusting a 2nd year players body or temperament it’s now or never time! Do you want to miss out on this wagon? $330k is still a small price to pay.

Jack Redden (138)

Often players from other states slip under our radars, Fyfe could have been one of those and Redden is also one of those, he’s turning into a DT jet! A tasty 138 this week follows after he was already batting at a 104 average. 3rd year rule applies here; time to jump on the wagon?

(Thursday) Captains curse

Most people would have loopholed with either Goddard, Montagna or Adcock and they all scored awkward scores of 126, 113 and 119. Was it enough for you to keep? Did you roll the dice again? After my fu*k up last week with Cox I took the 119 from Adcock and ran with it, a bird in the hand………

Other news

Tales of the tail.

We picked our sides to perfection before round one and everything looked right, all angles were covered. But it’s not until the bye weeks come around that the first pings of real doubt start to develop. Once any side has 2, 3, 4 or 5 guns resting on the pine and is forced to play rookies on the park it starts to look scary. Next week my side has a tail longer than the Bangladeshi batting line up with no fewer than nine rookies gracing the field. Last week when they all scored pb’s was definitely an anomaly, this week’s form so far is back to normal; Bewick 21, Toy 37, Otten 48 , Duigan 47 …enough said.

In jail for Krak

Andrew Krakouer has pissed so many coaches off these past few weeks the only thing he could win is a popularity contest against Michael Clarke. How did we actually get sucked in? He was always spuddy for Richmond then he dominates a season in a substandard competition across the other side of the continent and we thought everything had just changed? Jail doesn’t make anyone a better footballer, just makes them better at trying to avoid a shiv or an unwanted same sexual advance. Another burnt trade…..only loser’s use krak.

The sub (continent) rule

Once in India we went for a ride on this old man’s rickshaw. The poor guy was barefoot and it was about 45 degrees but he was a trooper. He stood up on the pedal and put all his weight on it and slowly it would go down and we’d move a tiny bit. Over and over again he did this until finally we would get a little bit of momentum up – then a car would cut him off and he would have to jam on the brakes and start all over again, it was painful to watch…..what does this have to do with DT you ask? Well this is exactly what is happening to some of our cash cows and mid pricers this year.  They slowly string a couple of good games together and get their average up then bang! The car cuts them off – they get subbed early (Yarran) and their average is f**ked again thus rendering all your cash gone. It’s tough work, two steps forward one step back. It’s difficult to plan, banking on a player earning a certain amount next week when one sub and its all ruined.

The fable of the Swan

Regular readers of this column may have noticed a propensity of mine is to slag off Dane Swan, particularly his slut worthy game style which is great for DT but not for real football. While in DT terms he is turning tricks, on the footy field he’ll never win a Brownlow. I have realised it is just sour grapes on my behalf because I can’t afford him. The term sour grapes comes from one of Aesop’s fables. In this one a fox wants to eat some grapes off a tree, there is a bunch that he can’t reach so he figures that because he can’t reach them they must be sour and sh*t. Once I move heaven and earth to reach Dane Swan I will stop slagging him off and sing his praises. Hopefully it’s soon!

It’s cliché to be cliché

Here is any interview with any coach after any game;

At the minute he is tickling all the boxes, in respect to dotting the I’s and crossing the T’s. The player group admire him, and as a unit they all want to move forward together…as a club. As long as he does his due diligence and the team unit follow their processes and reach their kpi’s the result will take care of itself. He is up and about, there is no doubt about that but let’s just take it one week a time. Look it’s no secret we love the way he goes about his footy and not just him, all the boys really stood up last week…. I just told them as long as they keep putting on scoreboard pressure and play through the lines I can’t ask for any more than that. To the boys credit they gave 110% but we still had to give it one more roll of the dice and fortunately we kept our structures and the result went our way today.

Cut price corner

Nothing worse than when you are desperate to trade out an underperforming spud (Krakouer) in one trade but don’t have a lot of money to spare. You start to go silly trying to find cheap players that aren’t cheap for a reason, scrolling down to the deep dark regions of the player list looking amongst the lepers and retards for a Smokey. You feel like a buzzard pecking at the bones of the AFL list weeks after everyone else has had their feed, like getting the malt-o-miks and nice left in the biscuit bowl after everyone else in the office has eaten the good Arnott’s assortment…  Well not this time! You can stay and rot on the bench kraks. I’m not getting duped into an A. Edwards or an R.Gamble; this year its premo gun or bubble rookie, no halfway measures, no f**ked up trades.

So that’s about it for this knee-jerk smack bang in the middle of a mega long feast of football. Enjoy the rest of the round but in between the times your mind is thinking of whom to trade or who to buy spare a few moments to remember the young guys who had no time for DT back in the day, because they were fighting for our country… paving the way for us to live the life we do now. Respect.

Any other knee jerks or DT thoughts during this mega round?

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