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Diary of a Dream Team Tragic

We received an email this week from Andy who has got sucked into Dream Team and now confesses that he is a Dream Team addict. Have a look at his diary of a DT Tragic.


Wake up excited because I get to check my ranking. Disaster – I’ve slipped 5,023 positions overall. Damn that new sub rule! Finger hovers over the trade button of that damned sub – an inner voice shouts “Don’t do it – it’s only Monday”!!! Sense prevails and I go and get ready for work instead.

After work – an unwelcome interruption to my DT schedule – I check the DT Talk page and read the Round’s review. A couple of other good articles – well done fellas. Hop to the AFL page and devour all the news articles there. Read the article by that Ph D (Piled Higher and Deeper) – a pity his scores aren’t as big as his ego. Then to my team – shuffle the players around so that I don’t get caught out later in the week with a player on the field who has a bye – gotta avoid that donut.

Finger hovers over the trade button again. It’s a disease, just like alcoholism or drug addiction – trademania. Barely able to suppress the urge to get rid of that sub. How can I possibly last until Friday? Take a deep breath, look at the stats from every game instead – update my 4 spreadsheets. (One for my current team, including starting value and averages, updates, projected magic numbers 3 weeks and 6 weeks out, and projected values. One to update my upgrade and downgrade targets, one where I record my trades and one rather complicated multi-coloured mess that I use to try to figure out what my team will look like in the multi-bye rounds.)

After midnight – have spent more time on DT than at work today. Go to bed and dream – you guessed it – about DT.


Wake up the computer and check out the DT Talk articles and chat. On to the AFL page and then my team page. Tempted to trade that bloody sub. But it’s only Tuesday. What if my trade in is injured? What if he’s been caught with the coaches wife and won’t be selected this week? Curb the urge.

Go to work.

Check out the injured list – thank God none of my team are there this week. Finger poised over the “T” for that sub again before I even realise it. Catch myself, log off and go to bed.

Have trouble getting to bed – start counting Swannie’s points from his last game and nod off at 186.


Up bright and early and kick that computer in the guts. Check out all my sites and have to resist that urge to trade. Is there a pill you can take?

After work I print out Fantasy Freako’s newsletter. The guy’s a Freak and deserves a medal. I spend 2 hours with a highlight pen and a warm fuzzy feeling (gotta stop drinking so much).

Have trouble getting to sleep again so take up where I let off last night counting Swannie’s points – get to 313 and nod off.


It’s selection day. I wake up excited. (Then apologise to my wife.)

After work I kick the computer in the guts. And review all the DT Talk articles and chats. Eat dinner at my desk waiting for the team selections. Have to stop myself trading that damned sub 3 times. Selections are finally in and I check each team out carefully. Bugger – my on-field rookie in the Mids isn’t playing this week. Gotta use my DPP and move them about. It’s 1 minute after midnight in Perth and that means it’s almost Friday afternoon in Melbourne. I trade out that damned sub and trade in a decent mid-priced player on the way up. Huge sigh of relief. Want to trade again – damned trademania – but can’t find any justification so reluctantly shut down after double checking my team is ready to go. Go to bed and sleep well because I lasted until Friday before trading.


Up at the crack of dawn and on to the DT Talk site, then the AFL site, then my team page. Looking for late changes, or rumours of late changes, or rumours that there will be a rumour later….

Reluctantly go to work.

Sneak out early and home to crank the computer up. Get the DT Talk site, the AFL site Match Centre, dtlive and my team page up on the screen at the same time. I could be sitting in my comfy lounge chair enjoying a drink and watching the game on tellie – but it’s delayed and they don’t give you a running total of the DT points.

So here I sit flipping between the AFL match centre, dtlive, my team page and the latest DT Talk chat. Can’t describe the feeling when the only guy in your team sits at the top of the list and a green band appears with a +12. Oh the joy.

It’s been a good start so I go to bed and finish counting Swannie’s points from last week – nod off just as I get to the last one (406).


Up early and check the newspaper, then the web sites for late changes. One of my team is a late withdrawal – bugger bugger bugger. Then I remember I’ve got coverge – should be OK, but down a few points.

Mow the lawn.

On the computer going cross-eyed as I watch the numbers pile up. 200 behind my opponent – but I’ve used 3 players less and still got captain Swannie up my sleeve. The guy is obviously a rookie because he hasn’t got Swan with a C and hasn’t even selected emergencies.

All the games are done and I’m ahead in 3 leagues, behind in 2 – but still in with a chance.

Am pretty tired but my mind is buzzing. Decide to count sheep instead of points – don’t want to feel like I am addicted or anything.


Log on 10 minutes before the game only to find bloody Harvey has used my new trade as a sub this week. He comes on half way through the last quarter and scores 23. The guy I traded out makes 156.

Oh well, that’s DT.



  1. Axis

    April 7, 2011 at 7:36 am

    What? Who the hell did you trade out?? Sounded painful, but every single person on this website will relate to it!

    Also, I feel I must get my hands on your spreadsheets, they sound even more useful than warnie’s precious DT Pro Analyser thing. Any chance you’ll share that love around?

    • dadsninjahole

      April 7, 2011 at 11:57 am

      Uh – it’s fictitious darling… (That means made up, but close enough to being true that it’s still funny)

  2. tom

    April 7, 2011 at 8:02 am

    Great article 10/10. Can relate to it so much its scary.

    • surajkc

      April 7, 2011 at 8:06 am


      • Sully23

        April 7, 2011 at 8:49 am

        +1 minus the spreadsheets!

  3. bobfossil

    April 7, 2011 at 8:35 am

    wake up, check dttalk on iphone for new article, read it, then get out of bed…. that’s how I roll.

    • Warnie


      April 7, 2011 at 8:40 am

      That’s very true for us too! I read a stat the other day that 1 in 4 people check their Facebook before going to the toilet in the morning. Haha.

      • Sully23

        April 7, 2011 at 8:52 am

        I used to be a facebook addict, then I got addicted to this site. I check facebook 2-3 times a week where as I check this site 3+ times a day!

        • hirdys mancrush

          April 7, 2011 at 11:09 am

          Good to see you got your priorities right. If one more person sends me a facebook drink I’ll spew up.

      • Marrto

        April 7, 2011 at 9:55 am

        Why check it before when you can check it ON the toilet :-D

        • Sully23

          April 7, 2011 at 10:02 am

          +1 especially when the misses steals the computer

    • Phil Ken Sebben

      April 7, 2011 at 11:57 am

      …first thing in the morning, after I’m done *winkwink* with the missus the SEN iPhone app gets turned on immediately to hopefully catch a snippet of relevant DT news. What a way to start the day!

      • eeepobreci

        April 7, 2011 at 2:34 pm


  4. PieMan

    April 7, 2011 at 8:35 am

    That was an awesome write up mate.

  5. Marrto

    April 7, 2011 at 9:53 am

    Assistant Coach* > spreadsheets

  6. Magoo

    April 7, 2011 at 9:57 am

    Cracker article……………think we can all relate that’s for sure. It is appropriately named “Dream” Team isn’t it, for some people it’s sheep, for other’s it’s Latex and Gimp mask’s (tKol) for us DT Tragic’s is Swanny and co rackin up the pozzies.

    Dream Team’s alright with me, Dream team’s alright………………..ohhhhhh yeahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. Max Power

    April 7, 2011 at 10:22 am

    It’s a good story, but perhaps could better be described as a FICTIONAL account of a week in the life of a Dream Team tragic.

    It’s clearly made up, that was most obvious by no mention of specific players in his trading sagas.

    There were no mid rookies in rd1 who didn’t play rd 2.
    Fremantles sub was Palmer, and he scored 53.
    No player in the league has scored 156 this year. Swan’s 162 is the only score above that, and he was not a sub.

    Nice story though.

    • Z

      April 7, 2011 at 11:18 am

      I hope you can sleep better at night now you have taken that load off your shoulders. Must have been difficult.

    • Albert Lloyd

      April 7, 2011 at 11:22 am

      I agree, I thought it lacked authenticity.

    • Justin

      April 7, 2011 at 11:38 am

      Well spotted. First became suspicious when he implied he eats dinner at 3pm (time teams come out Perth time)

      • Z

        April 7, 2011 at 11:45 am

        What, are you kidding. All Sandgropers eat dinner at 3pm. It’s just so we can feel like we are closer to our Eastern States counterparts.

  8. hirdys mancrush

    April 7, 2011 at 11:06 am

    Great write up!! seems as though every Sunday I listen to the footy watching live score updates every 30 seconds. Fuck I’m sad :) dt can be a disease, watching scores and doing nothing all day doesn’t make a player try harder…

    • Albert Lloyd

      April 7, 2011 at 11:23 am

      LOL well put.

  9. salza

    April 7, 2011 at 11:46 am

    well, i am here to praise Caesar, not to bury him under a mountain of whining and tears!
    I have hit a bad gravel patch on the highway of life and DT is the one totally reliable distraction keeping me on the road, so HALLELUJAH, praise be to the good Lawd for giving breath to that sweet SOB who first gave thought to this brilliant idea!!
    And thanks be to the minions of this juggernaut who are angels in my eyes (is that a halo i see before me, Warnie?)..hahaha

    …and may He, She or It protect Curnow’s place in the Carlton line up …and inspire Dawes to keep it coming, if i go ahead with my planned trades tomorrow….

  10. The Cheez

    April 7, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    “or rumours that there will be a rumour later….”

    pure gold.

  11. Chartreuse

    April 7, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    What? This is FICTIONAL? Sounds bloody realistic to me…you haven’t been spying on me have you. Oh wait, I don’t have a wife (phew!)

  12. TeamSuperAwesome

    April 7, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    Haha. I was totally that guy who didn’t have Swan as Captain last week :~(

  13. mtooler

    April 7, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    I identify with this, but more, I watch every game live unfold with twiggywiggy on the dtstats page and for a bit of fun everytime someone scores + 9 I identify them as the new Barlow.

  14. jacob_23

    April 7, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    hey guys im still unsure on what to do with my mids…
    at the moment this is what i’ve got:

    boyd, pendlebury, bartel, boak, d.swallow, harris (irons, hibberd, prestia)

    i’ve got two options with what ill do but am still really unsure (i currently have 2k in the bank)

    option 1) boak to ryan okeefe and then irons to libba

    option 2) d.swallow to libba and then boak to murphy

    option 3) boak to embley and then irons to libba

    i really want to get rid of boak bcs he’ll get tagged a lot and i also want libba

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